Next Door Zombies - Page 32


Wed, Jun 20:


Today the doorbell rang. I can’t go out without a hazmat suit so I yelled through the door, “Who’s there?”

The Zombie standing on my porch said he's from the electric company and he needs to see my bill.

I figured there must be some problem. Did they overcharge me? Undercharge me? Something else?

I dug through the mail and found the bill. Then I yelled an apology through the door and began the lengthy process of donning the hazmat suit, checking that the hazmat tent was secure, and going through a sterilization cycle.

Finally I was outside, and I showed the Zombie my bill.

He looked it over for a few minutes, and then he said, “Oh, yes, Mr Ayers, you can definitely save money by swicthing your electrical supplier.”




I was so angry I was literally speechless for a few minutes. He started droning about supply versus delivery. I finally regained enough brain functionality to scream at him, “Get off my porch!”

“But, sir, we use windmills!”

“This is just a lousy sales pitch! You could have told me that before I put this stupid suit on!”

“But, sir! We use windmills.

Without saying another word, I pointed to the street and then retreated into the hazmat tent. I needed to run through another sterilization cycle before going inside.

The sterilization cycle takes fifteen minutes. The guy knew I could still hear him, and he wasn't giving up.

“Our process is completely green!”

With a sigh, I said, “Fine. Send me something in the mail so I can look it over.”

“We did send you something in the mail four months ago. You never responded.”

“Then ‘no answer’ is my answer! Leave!”

I just ignored him after that. I refused to say another word, even though he rambled on and on about how much better their electricity was than the competitor's.

Seriously, is the electrical-supply market really that competitive? Was it really worth their while to have somebody standing on my porch pestering me for nearly an hour?

Posted/Updated on March 2nd, 2019
Originally published on June 20th, 2018